Status update

My default state is absolutely sleeping late, not going outside, not interacting with people, staying in my pyjamas all day, not showering and eating only toast. I work every day to operate outside of this.

Staying in hostels and shared accommodation can actually be really good for me, because I usually have to get dressed and interact with people on some level. Staying in places with shitty internet mean I have to go find a library or a cafe to work from. Staying in places for a short length of time means I have to go out every day if I want to see 'everything' or at least get a good sense of the place.

Of course constantly moving around brings its own set of exhaustion and other problems, which is why I inject solo accommodation for longer periods into my travel schedule.

I love living on my own, but I have to ramp up effort to not spiral into a sad smelly hole. Some days are easier than others. And it's such a vicious circle. Some days I'm on the sofa absolutely unable to function and wondering what's even the point and I am getting better at realising OH I probably just need to fucking go outside for an hour and I'll feel better. And then actually making myself do it.

Last couple of days I've been working on brain-melting server-y stuff and ending the day in a total haze, but managed to go out around 7pm, picked a direction to walk, and discovered new beautiful areas of Tallinn and felt infinitely better, which is much better than curling up with Netflix for the whole night.

Relatedly, now I have a job with regular video calls I tend to get mostly dressed for those. Though recenty I bought a nice loose jumper which I can put over my pyjamas and it makes me look semi respectable from a distance. So uh, work in progress. Sorry colleagues. Doesn't help with the showering thing. When I started this job I was quite terrified of how much facetime I would be having because from experience there are days when I just can't but actually I'm getting used to it and it's quite nice to have 15-30 minutes each morning of seeing friendly faces. Even if I wake up in a nope mood and don't think I want to dial in, I tend to feel better afterwards.

This is vastly better than in-person office job which involve being around people all day and render me unable to even go out to buy groceries at the weekend. As ever, it's a balance I suppose. And trying to be in tune with my moods; to figure out the difference between what my brain and body are telling me they want on the surface, versus what would actually help me to feel better.

🏷 travel life